Saying good buy to sleep

Gary Paulsen in his book Winterdance writes about training for the Iditarod up in Alaska. He talks long and hard about the day that sleep died for him and I read this with a humorous ear. That is until now, where I now look back with an empathetic ear. Sleep for me is gone and maybe it will return after this “Last Great Race.” I hope I recognize it when we meet again. If I so much as dare near conciseness in the middle of the night I am awake for many more hours, making sure that I have thought through every possible scenario of life with our new family.

I know in my heart that the universe is unfolding perfectly, and I now know the meaning of the phrase “God has a plan for us.” This whole process is teaching me about trust and knowing that while I don’t know how it will work out, believing that it will work. For nearly three years now our struggle to become parents has been filled with let downs and heart ache and so it is hard to know that this is actually it. Who knows, maybe I would feel this way if I were pregnant, yet hopefully the science of it all would comfort me. Politics and bureaucracy have never been my strong suit.

When I start to worry about not knowing details like the age, gender or even the number of kids we will be adopting I think back to my fathers words of wisdom about stress. Number 1, can I do anything about the situation to change it, If so continue working on it. Two, will this matter 10 years from now. When I ask myself these questions I am reminded there is not a darn thing I can do about it, and in a month and a half from now it will seem like I never had such questions.

Tomorrow I should be able to confirm our plane reservations. This will be a nice step to take. Thanks again for all of the well wishes and prayers. This might sound silly, but I can feel the love and support from all of you out there and it means the world to us.